Silence

I've never had a female roommate besides my sister.

I've never had to deal with liking the same boy or being the same age or, generally, hanging out with the same friends, all while living in the same place. My sister and I have always just had sister issues, like fighting over the hair-dryer or trying to convince mom that we're the one who's right in the argument.

However, in the past two weeks, my world had come crashing down with the things that I've never had actually happening to me.

I met my current roommate back in March, during all the commotion of the Humans vs. Zombies game. She and I were both moderators and we both happened to be looking for a roommate around the same general time period. We've spent the past couple of months getting to know one another as we prepared to move in together at the end of May. And, in those months, we discovered we had a lot in common.

The primary thing that we both had in common was, of course, that we both were crushing on the same guy: the head moderator of the HvZ game. I knew that she liked him long before I had even met him so I did my best to stay away, only keeping a friend attachment. However, over the past few months, he and I have grown closer and I have been unable to keep those feelings as just friends. I was upfront and honest with her from the beginning about my feelings and I actively tried to pursue other guys in the hope that the feelings would go away. However, despite my best efforts, nothing has worked.

Last Wednesday, my roommate confronted me, asking me again for the zillionth time if I had feelings for the guy. When I said yes, she followed it up with the inquiry if I thought anything might happen. If she had asked me months ago, I would have said no. However, now, that's not quite the case. When I said that it was possible, she did something completely unexpected -- she stopped speaking to me. Not only that, but she hid in her bedroom, only coming out when I wasn't around.

I have been tormented with this, trying to figure out if I'm in the wrong or the right for telling her the truth as I knew it to be. On one hand, I did try extremely hard to do good by her and not like the guy; on the other hand, it's not a crime to have feelings for someone. Last Friday, I confronted her and ended up in tears after she told me that I was one of the worst things that had ever happened in her life. She has made it so that it is a crime for me to feel anything about this; feeling bad because I know that I hurt her is completely out of the question. I'm just supposed to be the monster who committed all of these crimes...

All I know is that I just want all of this fixed. Walking on egg-shells like this is no way to live. I'm tired of her hiding from me in her room... and I cant believe that it's been a full week since she really spoke to me. A full week when all that she has done has hid from me, hoping that we wont see one another.

Having a roommate is HARD in all of this silence.

It's Been A While...

But Internet, I have returned.

The past couple months have been rough ones for me. Dealing with the break-up, dealing with the after-math of the break-up, dealing with school and the end of the school year... And then, of course, there was this semester's version of Humans vs. Zombies, which I helped to run...

And now it's summer. I've been in and out of jobs, doing the college student thing, living off of mac and cheese, top ramen, and pepsi. My amazing grandparents gave me a chunk of money that's currently helping me live.

And then, of course, I got a job editing.

I couldn't believe it when I found it. A lady just needing her PhD dissertation edited. A lady who was willing to pay me several hundred to edit said dissertation. Do I want to have this kind of job every month in order to pay my bills? HECK YES. Despite the large amount of work, it's a job I know I'm good at.

So, Internet, that's all I've really been up to. Editing is taking up part of my day, my friends take up the other part. I'm here, I'm living, I'm eating, I'm breathing, I'm loving life. I'm planning for trips that I'll be taking in the future (one to Vegas at the end of August to visit my best friend and one to LA in November with all of my friends in order to go to a convention). And I'm getting ready to go back to Chico State in the fall.

I cant wait for school to start.

Catch you soon, Internet.