Weddings, Weddings, in the Air

And in 2010... *drumroll*

So far, there are going to be 3 weddings, one friend got engaged at New Years, one other friend got engaged during Christmas break, and my best friend will probably be engaged by the end of the year.

I keep forgetting that this is the time in my life when all the weddings are supposed to begin, so all of these engagements have come as a pleasant surprise. So far, I've been invited to two weddings and, probably, a third, and spoken with a friend about her bachelorette party. And, I'll admit, I'm a little jealous of all those people who getting to start planning their big white wedding.

I wrote, a long time ago, about the fear. Yes, I am still deathly afraid of marriage. I once was the girl who thought that I would have one of those families where the parents stay together (and I wouldn't have to be going to therapy for a second time.) I mean, while the promise is there when you get married, it no longer seems to be a guarantee in America. And divorce is just horrible. My parents got divorced two years ago and things still aren't over. So why get married when there's that possibilty, right?

And yet...

It's not just the big white wedding (or, in my financial case, what will someday be a very small white wedding) or the planning or the parties. It's more of the theory that even though marriage could turn into divorce, everyone is taking that chance. And, literally, everything with a chance has the possibility of going the way you didn't want it to. Applying to college? I might not have gotten in. Taking classes? I might have failed them. Working at the student newspaper? I could have gotten fired. Or something more basic: driving a car. I could get into an accident.

I guess the real reason why I'm jealous and desire what so many of my friends are doing right now is because of the chance. They all get to take that chance, that wonderful chance, that they are putting so much effort into being good but could potentially turn out badly. I would like to take that chance. I would like to put in the effort and know what I'm going for and heading towards. I would like to someday say, "hey, I took that chance, and now, 30 years of marriage later, here we still are!"

I would like to be the exception. The good of the chance. The marriage that didn't fail.