I have really been struggling with what to say on here.

Every day this week, I've logged onto my computer and sat, staring at this blog, wanting to write something. But the words just haven't been coming. "My life just isn't that entertaining," I think to myself. But I know that isn't it. I know that there's a reason why I never feel excited to share anything or have anything to share.

The lows have been very low. There haven't been any highs. My highest point is when I feel in the middle and, right now, just getting there feels great. I feel as if I'm clinging on to everything that I know just to stay in that middle ground and, fortunately, it's leading me back to a place that I haven't been in a little while.

Church.

Since the depressing really sat in at the beginning of December, I've been avoiding church. Part of me wanted to just go home and see my pastor back home and part of me was afraid. Afraid that this whole depression thing wouldn't get resolved and afraid that God wasn't helping me what-so-ever with anything. However, when the school year started back up, a friend of mine told me she really wanted to get back into church again and the three of us (my friend, the boyfriend, and I) went to a church together last week. My friend had heard good things about this church and, as it turns out, the church happened to be very much like mine from back home. When I came home that day, I felt encouraged to go again.

On Tuesday, my friend and I attended the ZOE (which means "life") college group meeting. Being with her was probably the best solution to going to a new place where I didn't know a single person... especially because we both felt that way. I'm pretty sure that was the first time I have felt that uplifted in a long time and it really just spoke to me that I needed to be there, to go to church and attend the college group and even go to the Thursday night women's bible study.

I think I'm taking a step in the right direction but I know that I'm still depressed. I know that there's still something wrong with me, something that I can't just fix with a snap of my fingers. But... with a friend like the one I have, I think I can move towards the beginnings of fixing things.

I try to always end my blog on a positive note. But... this time I have to say that I'm really not positive. I'm not hopeful. I'm barely hanging on to whatever I have left in me.

So pray.