Goals

My dreams are vivid.

It is frightening to wake up from a dream where everything is exploding around you, where you feel like you're running in slow motion but you know that, in the reality of your dream, you are actually running quite quickly. It is frightening to see your "friends" die in the explosions, give up because they cant run anymore, even though you pull at them to hurry up, and someone ahead eventually pulls on your arm, telling you that there isn't any hope and to leave them be. It's frightening to leave them, as the explosions surround you and your ears are stunned by the sound as you run and run and run... knowing that somehow, someday, you will get to your destination, you will be safe with the few friends who didn't give up, the ones you have left.

It's frightening to wake up and think, "That's a great beginning to a story." And that's what I think whenever I wake up from dreams like that.

A friend of mine recently posted her New Years resolutions and I thought to myself "What are mine?" They certainly have to do with writing, since I feel like I always have a million ideas bouncing around in my head (like the dream, for example). So, I sat down and thought about it and here's what I came up with:

1. I will get straight A's this semester. I feel like I really let myself down this last semester. Even though I moved and was in a new location, a new home, a new situation, a new school, I feel like I should have gotten an A in classes that I got a B. So, I'm determined to bring my GPA back up.

2. I will go to therapy and tell the truth. This one is pretty self-explanatory. I want to get fixed.

3. I will finish the second draft of my novel and edit it, not rewrite it. I'm a freak. Re-writing is in my nature. I keep thinking "what if I did that to my novel?" I need to make a decision and stick with it. So, it needs to be edited, not necessarily re-written. The re-writing can come in bits of the editing.

4. I will not let holidays get me down. Part of the whole depression thing is fighting it. This will be a hard resolution because it starts with New Years Eve, which has a whole lot of a expectation attached to it. Then we move into Valentines Day and so on and so forth. All the expectation makes me want to have the best holiday ever, better than my friends. But even if it's good, I'm still depressed about it. So I'm going to try and not be.

5. I will get published. Technically, with the boyfriend's book out, I am published. However, I want something, on my own, to be published. So I can lift my head up and smile.